Things I’m grateful for

Comparison is the thief of joy – Teddy Roosevelt 

Bottom line: I suck at appreciating what I have.

This essay is an attempt to codify life’s good stuff. In shitty times, I can re-read this and remind myself of how fortunate I am.

1. Family

So important. Dominic Toretto values family:

O’Conner: Maybe the Letty we once knew is gone
Toretto: You don’t turn your back on family, even when they do

In better times

In better times

From a biological perspective, we’re here to make babies. The Gao’s have been doing so for generations which is why I’m alive.

That means at some point I need to find a wife, have kids, and do a semi-competent job raising them.

Clay Christensen talks about how we often underinvest in long-term goals (like actively raising our kids), and overinvest in short term ones (like answering work emails). Then we hit 50 and wonder why our kids don’t come home for Christmas holiday. Hmm…

Family knows you.

Your mom cleaned your naked, super-smooth baby butt countless times. She loves you unconditionally. I couldn’t even begin to describe how much moms must love their sons. Something we miss out on as dudes.

Imagine feeling a LIFE grow inside you, heart beating, legs kicking, getting bigger in your stomach and then it comes out and it grows and one day it’s taller than you and healthy and beautiful.

And YOU – as the mom – made that happen. Sure sperm played a part, but the sperm were involved, the MOM IS COMMITTED.

I won’t even begin to talk about dads, cousins, uncles and aunts, etc. Needless to say they have always been there for me and for that I’m incredibly grateful even if I sometimes do a poor job showing it.

The only problem with family is that they know the worst sides of you too – all the embarrassing mistakes that you’ve tried to forget. Sometimes the distance we feel with family members is because we push them away – but that’s just a reflection of our own insecurities.

I notice as I get older: The things I dislike in others? It’s really just what I dislike in myself.

2. Health

The very fact that I can walk to a coffee shop and write this blog post means I’m blessed.

I’m blessed to have the physical strength to walk, the mental strength to write, the overall health to be productive.

Health is one of Maslow’s fundamental priorities. We take it for granted because it’s always there, until it’s not. The minute it’s taken away is when all the so-called-priorities in life, like getting laid or making that first million, seem less important.

maslow-hierarchy-of-needs

I’m starting to understand why people who lose their legs in catastrophic accidents return to their pre-accident happiness levels in 6 months. Whether conscious or not, they’ve replaced what they had taken away with an increased appreciation of what’s left.

If you play chess, imagine losing your queen. You appreciate your rooks so much more.

I’m obsessed with living forever not because living to 250 is the most important thing in my life (although who am I kidding, that’d be awesome), but because it reminds me to do important things like exercise, socialize, get proper sleep, and eat healthy foods.

3. Friends

I’m grateful for friends who put up with my shit. I think guys mellow out over time, and I’ve mellowed out some, but I can still be a pain-in-the-ass and I’m thankful for patient friends who try to focus on my good qualities. The stories, the trust, the respect that builds over time.

In general, I’m grateful for GOOD people. Most moderately successful people are selfish and full of ego. To be truly good – considerate, genuine, and reliable – is a gift. One I don’t yet have.

4. Abilities

This is a catch-all, but includes things like:

  • The ability to earn a living doing what I enjoy – starting companies, creating technology, writing
  • The ability to define meaningful goals and act on them
  • The ability to travel and live in new places
  • The ability to choose the people I spend time with, in every capacity

I believe ability is not given to you at birth – it comes from lots of focused hard work. Just read The Talent Code or Outliers if you don’t agree. I hope to respect and nurture and continue investing in them.

So that’s it. There are many other things – like these lists that pop up all the time – but I’ll keep this post short by my standards :)

What are you grateful for in your life? How do you continually remind yourself of those things?

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Each subway stop has its own cute little symbol

Each subway stop has its own cute little symbol

I still really love Japan. People who know me are a little sick of it by now.

I have some half-assed guesses why, but it still surprises how much I enjoy walking around Japan and eating food in Japan and meeting people in Japan. I feel like it’s filling a piece of my soul.

Japan: the only country where I continually lament the fact that it took me 28 years to visit. Why? I now have fewer years to go back. Silly, but it expresses how deeply the experience has affected me.

At some point, I’d love to write a book about Japanese culture. Spend a long time there understanding the people and their lives, and share that with the rest of the world.

Here are more over-generalized, marginally-researched observations after 3 days in Fukuoka.

1. Sakura is amazing

Like I said on Facebook, I just feel lucky to have seen it. To cross it off my list.

It was indescribably cool to feel the breeze and watch the sakura petals fall to the ground.

One of several park entrances

One of several park entrances

Even had sakura shrines in the underground mall...

Even had sakura shrines in the underground mall…

2. Introvert-friendly

Maybe not true at all, but that’s the fun part of having your own blog.

I have so many questions about Japanese culture and society. I didn’t realize this on my first trip, but I feel like Japan caters to introverted people…or at least, people who prefer their privacy.

Ichiran provides walled-off booths for customers to privately enjoy their ramen. A McDonalds in Fukuoka had nothing but solo tables for diners.

Maybe in such a collective society, individual time and space are highly prized?

3. Where are the young people?

I spent 3 weeks in Shanghai prior to the trip. In Shanghai, you are overwhelmed by young people. Little kids bumping into you, gangly teens in big groups, ambitious students with backpacks and matching uniforms. Everywhere you look.

I don’t see the same numbers and magnitudes in Tokyo or Fukuoka. The people look and feel older, which is confirmed by data on Japan’s aging population.

4. Big city vs. small town, FIGHT!

Fukuoka felt like a small town – and small towns tend to make me more introspective.

Big cities like Shanghai and New York make me more social and outward-facing. There’s just so much stimulation around you.

At night there was a party where these glowing balls covered the river...

At night there was a party where these glowing balls covered the river…

5. Scent of a shopper

Shopping in Japan reminds me of the role scents play in creating great user experiences.

The Wynn Hotel in Vegas is a great example. Walk in and, with that first inhale, you KNOW you’re in the Wynn. You KNOW you’re in Vegas. It relaxes you AND energizes you, and after a few visits you crave that smell. Amazing recall power.

Many Japanese retail stores have a unique scent, which is subtle but memorable, and combined with each store’s unique and considerate layout, design, and decor, elevate the mundane to the near-sublime.

6. The Japan moment

There’s something I like to call the “Japan moment”.

On my first trip, it was when hundreds of identically clad lolita-looking teenage girls crowded the Shibuya subway platform as we exited the subway car. Brain fried.

There were at least 2-3 more experiences which left similarly deep, almost scarring mental imprints, including my first bowl of Ichiran :)

Hello old friend. We meet again

Hello old friend. We meet again

7. Details matter

Steve Jobs obsessed over details. No details are needed here.

In Japan, it’s an amazing experience visiting A CONVENIENCE STORE. The organization, the selection, the background music, the friendly employees, the lack of odd smells…

the organization...the variety...the colors...the drinks!!

the organization…the variety…the colors…the drinks!!

The parallel for entrepreneurs: if you can make the shopping cart and checkout experience awesome, you’ve won. In other words, if you can turn the mundane into the awesome…you’ve won.

8. China, Japan

Small anecdote: the Japanese often use face masks (like these) to indicate that they’re sick and don’t want to get others sick.

In Beijing, you wear face masks because you don’t want people (and air) getting YOU sick.

9. Filling your gaps

I am a somewhat chaotic person (there’s a reason this blog isn’t called kevinmethodical).

Japan is highly-organized and detail-oriented. It helps nurture in me something that I lack. The culture’s commitment to details and rules in all facets of life also means that, to an extent, you are required to make fewer small decisions in a given day (for example, part of me is annoyed that at Starbucks, I need to specify cup size, and type of tea – not just green but tazo or green tips or whattheheckever, and hot or cold…and that’s one of the simpler drinks).

That means I can spend more time thinking about stuff that matters. There’s a downside, too.

10. Close airports, yes! 

I love flying into a city where the airport is close to town. Fukuoka airport is two subway stops (~5 minutes) from Hakata, one of the big downtown areas.

By contrast Shanghai’s Pudong International Airport is 35 minutes by taxi with no traffic. New York’s JFK is the same way. Even Austin’s Bergstrom International is 15-20 minutes from anything meaningful.

11. Fukuoka kaedama

For my fellow ramen lovers, kaedama originated in Fukuoka. Yes, thanks to Fukuoka you can get that extra bowl of yummy, fresh, hot noodles and continue the party!

At the earliest Ichiran branch, the bowls are rectangular (yes, I know I have a problem)

At the earliest Ichiran branch, the bowls are rectangular (yes, I know I have a problem)

This is a great ramen blog if you have absurd amounts of time to waste.

12. I’m from America

I love the Japanese visa waiver for U.S. citizens. For once, it pays to have a U.S. passport (it usually doesn’t).

For example, Argentina has a “reciprocity fee” because we charge Argentinians the same fee. You pay online, and print out a piece of paper that you then carry with your passport at all times. Basically a single-page, 2nd passport.

Why not just add a passport stamp like a normal country? You could even do it at airport customs to save time.

13. Walk and walk some more

A bit unrelated, but I enjoyed Joseph Mitchell’s New Yorker piece, in particular his love of getting to know NYC by walking it. I love doing that in Japan.

So many great hidden restaurants, secret & serene parks, absurdly cute pets, groups of cosplay kids. And it’s safe, too.

Can’t wait for my next trip. Hoping to see Hokkaido and Kyoto and Osaka. And if you haven’t read my post on Tokyo, maybe it’s worth your time. Probably not.

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Movie mini-reviews

What I want out of each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in that area.

What I want out of each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in that area.

In an effort to get more out of the absurd amounts of media I consume, I’m launching movie mini-reviews.

This post will include one thought from each movie I watch. No thumbs-up or 5 stars or any of that bullshit.

My full Movies page will include a lot more random thoughts. Still no thumbs-up or any of that bullshit.

I LOVE movies, but these days TV is a far superior art form for telling rich stories and developing nuanced characters.

The best TV shows I’ve watched (like Breaking Bad) are FAR better than the best movies (like Shawshank Redemption).

Watching a great TV show is like making a best friend – it takes time and there will be ups and downs, but you’re left with something deeper and longer lasting.

Watching a great movie is like having a fun one-night stand. You’ll have the story, but that’s about it.

My long-winded way of saying at some point, I’ll launch a TV page too.

I’ll put all of the reviews on the Movies page. And I’ll write an update post every month or two.

From the past few months:

Aristocrats [Rotten]

  • The access is incredible – they interview every great comedian. It’s a great format – would love to see something similar for 50-100 once-great, now-retired athletes

Dredd [Rotten]

  • Really like Olivia Thirlby. Unconventionally sexy and captures your attention

End of Watch [Rotten]

  • Another interracial bromance-y cop movie set in the ghettos with a smell-from-a-mile-away tragic ending? I’m there!

Equilibrium [Rotten]

  • Big Mac movie – enjoy it while you’re watching it, no long-term value and feel gross at the end

Fast and Furious 4 (aka Fast and Furious) [Rotten]

  • Paul Walker’s the J.R. Smith of actors. If you don’t understand what I mean read Bill Simmons
  • Bonus: Why does Jordana Brewster always wear a summer dress?

Following Sean [Rotten]

  • Boy raised in crazy house, grows up normal

Headhunters [Rotten]

  • Jaime Lannister as the bad guy. Watch it

House of Cards [Wikipedia]

  • Stopped after 10 minutes. Couldn’t stand Kevin Spacey with a Southern accent while breaking the 4th wall. I do like Robin Penn, but not enough

Lincoln [Rotten]

  • Joseph Gordon Levitt is EVERYWHERE (Premium Rush, Dark Knight, Inception, 500 Days of Crap). Reminds me of Hugo Weaving on that tear with the Matrix…and Lord of the Rings…and V for Vendetta…

True Romance [Rotten]

  • WHAT a cast: Dennis Hopper, Christian Slater, Patricia Arquette, a stoner Brad Pitt, a borderline-normal Christopher Walken, James Gandolfini as a sadistic underling

Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 2 [Rotten]

  • Poor man’s X-Men (or poor woman’s, since they CLEARLY had the better powers)

Wreck-it Ralph  [Rotten]

  • How many guys my age fondly reminisce about Street Fighter 2? And of those, how many think they were god’s gift playing Ryu or Ken or Sagat? Because everyone else pretty much sucked…even Sagat to some extent…and Ken…

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People in Shanghai use Wechat. I’ve sent less than 10 text messages since I arrived. Wechat is awesome.

(to be clear, Evernote is still my gf and that won’t change)

Here are a few thoughts on why. This is after 6 weeks of usage and 30 minutes of thinking, so don’t expect anything groundbreaking.

  • You don’t get spammy messages, like Gmail or SMS (in China you get a whole lot of spammy texts)
  • Group chats are really easy to setup, manage, and log
  • It’s all data, so you’re not paying carrier fees (what the heck gives AT&T the right to charge me $20/month to send texts, and/or 20 CENTS PER TEXT)
  • Emoticons. are. awesome
  • Great logging (or not, if you want to go incognito). I’m BUMMED that I don’t have a central place to view past text messages…ah, the awkward flirty conversations and drunk messages I can no longer re-read
  • Better privacy controls – I can easily block people (in the U.S., I have to call AT&T to block a specific #, and I can only do that by paying a per-month-fee…of course)
  • It’s multichannel (the browser chat is awesome) and I can easily use it across different phones and tablets (think about the pain-in-the-ass of porting phone numbers across carriers and devices)
  • It’s international – I don’t miss out when I cross borders. Now that I’m back in the States it sucks that I missed out on 6 weeks of texts and calls with friends; but I can still hop on Wechat to talk to Shanghai friends
  • Multimedia – easily attach photos, screen grabs, videos
Jon Cusack is on Wechat. Are you?

Jon Cusack is on Wechat. Are you?

There are many other, much-better-informed reasons. For example the walky-talky feature seems to be really popular but I don’t use it much.

I’m not saying Wechat is better than the gajillion other chat apps out there, simply that U.S. carriers need to die, and SMS needs to die, and I’ll stop ranting.

I just miss AIM.

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For a full list of my favorite quotes, see here. Send me yours, I’m always looking for more.

Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things. – Peter F. Drucker

/** Both are crucial to a mission’s long-term success, but from my Hyperink experience I’ve learned that – as a young(ish) entrepreneur – it’s more important to do the right things than to “do things right” which is often conflated with “work really really really hard” **/

To make sure this goal was achieved, I created eight laws of learning, namely, explanation, demonstration, imitation, repetition, repetition, repetition, and repetition. – John Wooden

/** Wooden is the man. If you want to learn more about the greatest athletic coach of all-time, read this. **/

A Polish Jew in an Episcopal graveyard in a largely Dominican neighborhood. What could be more New York? – Bloomberg’s eulogy at Ed Koch’s funeral

/** Yet another reason I love New York. The ethnic and cultural diversity is unparalleled. No other city comes close, no matter what its citizens would like to believe. **/

If you actually want results, make a 5-year commitment to a particular path, like building an online business, developing your social skills, becoming a world traveler, etc. A lesser commitment is largely pointless. – Steve Pavlina

/** I love reading Steve’s blog. It can sometimes get weird (for example, polyamory, polyphasic sleep), but that’s just a reflection of his always-pushing-the-limits mentality. It stretches your conception of what is possible in life, which is what people who make a difference do. **/

Life is so filled with disappointments that we are likely to assume that they are built into the human condition. On examination, however, there proves to be something disappointments share in common. Each thwarts an expectation of the individual ego. if the ego were to have no expectations, there would be nothing to disappoint. – Huston Smith

/** We are the expectations generation. **/

Their research suggests that once a musician has enough ability to get into a top music school, the thing that distinguishes one performer from another is how hard he or she works. That’s it. And what’s more, the people at the very top don’t work just harder or even much harder than everyone else. They work much, much harder. – Malcolm Gladwell in Outliers

/** Cribbed from Jason’s blog. **/

Anyone who isn’t embarrassed of who they were last year probably isn’t learning enough. – Alain de Botton

/** Have I told you to follow Alain de Botton’s Twitter feed? Well, follow his feed. Please. **/

We should keep a careful diary of our moments of envy – they are our covert guides to what we should try to do next. – Alain de Botton

/** Have you followed his feed yet? **/

What I want out of each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in that area. – Deputy Marshall Gerard in The Fugitive

/** Was reminded of this excellent movie by the one, the only Bill Simmons. And immediately remembered my favorite quote, from Deputy Marshall Gerard :) **/

You know what material this is?

[wait for it...]

…Boyfriend material

/** Super silly but thanks Jasmine! **/

It is exactly of the same nature as the Hindu’s view, that the world rested upon an elephant and the elephant rested upon a tortoise; and when they said, “How about the tortoise?” the Indian said, “Suppose we change the subject.”

/** Hah. Such wisdom. **/

And how could I wrap up this quote without leaving you guys with a little 孔子 wisdom?

If you study, you know. If you know, you’re wise. If you’re wise, you’re fair. If you’re fair, you grow. If you grow, you can manage your family well. If you can manage your family well, you can service the country. If you can serve the country, you can improve the world.

Did I say Alain de Botton had a great Twitter feed? I bet Confucius would put him to shame.

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I found myself geeking out reading this McKinsey Quarterly article and wanted to share its insights and conclusions with y’all.

Full article here. Nothing ground-breaking, but great anecdotes, mini-case studies, and big-picture thinking. Particularly like Coca-Cola’s “picture of success”.

I’ve also clipped to my public Evernote notebook (where I share every online article that I read and highlight).

Here are the 10 main points with supporting excerpts. Enjoy!

#1. Target urban growth clusters

Walmart opened first store in Rogers, Kansas and actively avoided highly competitive metropolitan markets

#2. Anticipate moments of explosive growth

While refrigerators and washing machines are often lumped together as white goods, consumption data show that in Beijing, purchases of the former start to take off at annual incomes of $2,500 a year and slow above $6,000, while the take-up for the latter doesn’t begin until incomes approach $10,000 a year

#3. Devise segmentation strategies for local relevance and global scale

A careful segmentation strategy helped Frito-Lay capture more than 40 percent of the Indian branded-snacks market. The company tailored global products, such as Lays and Cheetos, to local tastes. Frito-Lay also created Kurkure, a cross between traditional Indian-style street food and Western-style potato chips that represented a new category in India and is now being sold in other countries. Critical to Kurkure’s success: attractive pricing and combining local feel with scalable international packaging.

#4. Radically redeploy resources for the long term

Emerging-market companies are built for speed. They are designed to serve the rapidly changing needs of middle-class consumers in their home markets and other emerging societies. They know that they must innovate or die. It helps too that these upstarts aren’t burdened by legacy issues

#5. Innovate to deliver value across the price spectrum

For rural customers, China’s Haier makes extra-durable washing machines that can wash vegetables as well as clothes, and refrigerators with protective metal plates and bite-proof wiring to ward off mice. The company is no less ingenious in developing products for urban users, such as smaller washing machines and refrigerators designed for tiny, cramped apartments

#6. Build brands that resonate and inspire trust

emerging consumers are novice shoppers for whom buying a car, a television, or even a box of diapers may be a first-time experience

Our research indicates that Chinese consumers, for example, consider an average of three brands and end up purchasing one of them about 60 percent of the time. In the United States and Europe, by contrast, consumers consider at least four brands and end up selecting one from their initial consideration sets only 30 to 40 percent of the time

#7. Control the route to market

Coca-Cola, long active throughout the developing world, goes to great lengths in those markets to analyze the range of retail outlets, identify the highest-priority stores, and understand differences in service requirements by outlet type. For each category of outlet, Coca-Cola generates a “picture of success”—a detailed description of what the outlet should look like and how Coke products should be placed, displayed, promoted, and priced

#8. Organize today for the markets of tomorrow

IBM, for instance, radically revamped its functions in Asia, moving human resources to Manila, accounts receivable to Shanghai, accounting to Kuala Lumpur, procurement to Shenzhen, and customer service to Brisbane

#9. Turbocharge the drive for emerging-market talent

In China, barely two million local managers have the managerial and English-language capabilities multinationals need. A recent McKinsey survey found that senior managers working for the China divisions of multinational firms switch companies at a rate of 30 to 40 percent a year—five times the global average. Increasingly, local stars prefer working for local employers that can offer them more senior roles. In 2006, the top-ten ideal employers in China included only two locals— China Mobile and Bank of China—among the well-known global names. By 2010, seven of the top ten were Chinese firms.

#10. Lock in the support of key stakeholders

Amway’s success in China illustrates the benefits of effective stakeholder management. In the early 2000s, the US-based direct-sales giant was almost declared an illegal business in China for violating a 1998 ban on direct selling. Amway’s senior executives made numerous visits to Beijing to get to know senior leaders and explain the company’s business model. The company also demonstrated its commitment to China by opening stores countrywide, while investing more than $200 million in China-based manufacturing and R&D centers. In 2006, the Chinese government reshaped the regulation of direct sales. Today Amway is China’s second-largest consumer product business

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